He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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