He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
