____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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