So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
