he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she looked like the before picture.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
being pregnant is like rehab
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
