Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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