So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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