My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
