FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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