My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We left the knife in your bed.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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