I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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