Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michael Bay diarrhea
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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