I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
