I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
you had me at cake vodka
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
