Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
