Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
