billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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