Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
