I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
