It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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