ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
