Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
