Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
