either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
