My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
