How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
