i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
