i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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