we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
