I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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