Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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