The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just gift wrapped bread.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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