Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
im on a boat
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