I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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