Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
