Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
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Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
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my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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