Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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