his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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