I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
