I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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