i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
