tell your sister to shave her snatch
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
