so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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