i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
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The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
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No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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