im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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