you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
