My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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