Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
found the other keg... it's in the tree
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.