Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off