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my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
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