3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids