sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your penis caused this!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
