Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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