My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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