Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
