I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
