So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
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He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
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Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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