that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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