the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
